a theatre, film & pop culture review
Lovely ladies in red! The definite favorite color for this year’s Oscars, all who donned it, rocked it, with the possible exception of Penelope Cruz (did a firecracker explode on her chest?). And let’s note that the newly super-skinny (!) J-Hud is stylin’ orange, which you know I fully support.
While there were more than a few of these (Helena Bonham Carter, as always, represents, along with Cate Blanchett), Nicole Kidman totally nailed Worst Overall Look with the hot-mess hair (control those flyaways, girl), the over-conceptualized, structured white dress that accentuated her hips to crazy proportions, and the nonsensical orange heels. Ok, so I want the heels. But not with that John Galliano dress. Speaking of Galliano… did she know he was a raging anti-Semite before she selected it? Epic fail, Nicole.
Not everyone’s favorite opening montage (I definitely heard some groans in the audience), but this was the co-hosts at their best and most compatible. And it got more than a few chuckles out of me. I mean, I loved Bridges in Tron, too. Let’s be real.
“He’s a junk-bag!”
“You’re a junk-bag!”
“You sound like them.”
“We all sound like each other, and I don’t like being around this much negativity.”
Presenting the award for Best Supporting Actress, 94-year-old Kirk Douglas began his good 5-minute shtick by commenting on Franco’s 127 Hours performance (“You look much better out of the cave”) and hitting on Hathaway(“Where were you when I was making pictures?”). It only got better from there…
Proving to everyone that she really is crazy, Melissa Leo not only sported one of the most unattractive dresses of the evening (thank you, Marc Bouwer), but she also let slip the first ever F-bomb in Academy Awards history, followed that up with the inexplicable declaration that “It’s about selling motion pictures and respecting the work!” and then proceeded to steal NINETY-FOUR YEAR OLD Kirk Douglas‘s cane and mug to the cameras with it. If her tacky “For Your Consideration” ads didn’t stop members from awarding her an Oscar this year, this “performance” at the Awards will certainly give them pause in the future. Just in case we were wondering if anyone else from The Fighter was whackadoodle, up to the stage came Christian Bale with his crazy woodsman beard. I don’t remember what he said in his speech, because I was so distracted by the enormously impressive amount of facial hair covering his mouth. Plus, I’m always surprised that he’s British, so that’s another good 10 seconds of puzzlement while I re-compute that information and don’t listen to anything he’s saying.
While this totally ruined my shot at winning my office Oscar pool — well this, and Alice in Wonderland‘s wins for Art Direction + Costume Design — this was by far the biggest — and best — upset of the night. Trent Reznor, you and cooly named Atticus Ross deserve it for creating a truly remarkable Best Original Score for The Social Network. Now, go re-write Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark‘s score so that U2 can stop aurally tormenting the Great White Way. I’m serious, go, now. Please.
I might have been drunk by this point (ok, I was), but this autotune remix of Harry Potter, Toy Story 3, The Social Network, and Twilight had all of the Walter Reade Theater laughing — not just me. Thank you, Gregory Brothers, for your genius; this was by far the most hilarious moment of the night. By the way, if you go to their website to watch the video you’ll find that The Social Network section is gone and replaced with…The King’s Speech. B-b-b-bertie must’ve been intensely insulted by the rapping of his speech.
During Oprah‘s presentation of the Best Documentary Feature to Inside Job, the cameras pan to the Coen Brothers who are not at all paying attention (classy). Speaking of Oprah: did they have to bribe her to be there? Because even with her and a video cameo by Mr. President himself, this was the Whitest Oscars Ever.
In one of the saddest upsets of the night — though not all that surprising — Tom Hooper took home the gold for Best Directing. He also kept the sentiment flowing, thanking his mom indirectly for his win. But, hey, Tom: just because your mom gave you the script doesn’t make it — or your directing — any better. David Fincher, you were robbed.
Effortlessly charming and funny, why has no one asked Sandra Bullock to host? I nominate her and Robert Downey Jr. for next year’s comic duo with actual chemistry. Lord knows the overly enthusiastic Anne Hathaway and stoner James Franco — did he even want to be there? — had none. You just can’t go wrong with Sandy, honestly.
Ok, folks, that’s it for the 2011 Oscars!
It’s been exhausting, infuriating, enlightening, ridiculous, and fantastic fun to see (almost) everything and and blog about it all for your (hopefully) reading pleasure. I’m just crazy enough to do it all again next year, but in the meantime… I’ll focus on The Broadway and Spidey’s shot at Tony-dom…
Upcoming: 2011 Tony Awards — All Tonys, All the Time.