Critical Confabulations

a theatre, film & pop culture review

Oscars 2014: Post-Awards Wrap-Up

A little post-show commentary, if you will.

Top 2014 Oscar Moments:
The Good, The Bad, & The Boring
in no particular order…

This year’s ceremony was pretty dull, but here are a few moments to reflect on.

Benedict Cumberbatch photobombs U2

Someone had to bring a little levity to the situation. Bono & Co. were clearly having way too much fun.

86th Annual Academy Awards - People Magazine Arrivals

Worst of the Red Carpet
There are so many things wrong with this J. Mendel gown, but where to start? There’s the weird layering, the mesh-tank top that resembles the costume material from you second-grade dance recital, the red clustered beading that looks like a dozen small stab wounds, the paler than pale leg… No, Anna, no. You are not auditioning for True Blood. Please select something a little less Death Becomes Her.

American Hustle goes 0 for 10
So much for David O. Russell being the “actor whisperer,” eh, Jen?

There are literally no surprise winners
Even Catherine Martin got her third and fourth Oscars for The Great Gatsby, the most predictably flashy design nominees. ZzzzzzZzzzz.

86th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Best of the Red Carpet
Not only did she perfect the Classic Hollywood Glam look with this Armani Privé stunner — as the Fug Girls point out, it’s like a classier Britney from the sheer-Toxic-jumpsuit days — but her speech was just as articulate and pointed as ever:

“Women sell tickets. Women buy tickets. The world is round, people!”

And, of course: “Julia hashtag suck it.”

20 Feet from Stardom wins Best Doc
Among the people on stage to accept the award was singer Darlene Love, and when diva’s on stage, diva sings. Don’t nobody put Darlene Love in the corner.

Most Memorable Red Carpet Quote
“Bruce! I’m not a pole dancer! It was a stripper and I was on Broadway!” — the ever-adorable (and surprising) June Squibb

Most Awkward Red Carpet Moment
Viola Davis and husband Julius invite interviewer Jess Cagle to join them for their jacuzzi date night. Awkward/Amazing.

Jared or Jesus?


The hair… it’s just so… perfect. And his acceptance speech was pretty great too.

Pharrell makes us all Happy with his jubilant performance


But especially Lupita, Meryl, and Amy.

Stars: They’re Just Like Us


Get it, Brad.

The Selfie to End All Selfies

Meryl’s first tweet!


Lupita Nyong’o wins the Oscars
Eloquent, gracious, and lovely as ever, hearts all over the country melted during her moving acceptance speech.

“No matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid.”

Robert Lopez gets his EGOT
Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez won Best Original Song for Frozen’s “Let It Go,” thus completing Lopez’s EGOT. He won his first Tony in 2004 for  Avenue Q, two Emmys for Wonder Pets in 2005, and then two more Tonys in 2011 for The Book of Mormon.

Ellen was fine, if a little boring.
Except for that Liza Minnelli joke. Ouch.

John Travolta butchers Idina Menzel’s name
The scarily plastic-looking Travolta mumbles something like “Adele Dazeem,” thus spawning a litany of jokes (and fake Twitter accounts). You, too, can get your own crazy-John name here. (I’m Jasmine Hazmaton, natch.)

Matthew McConaughey wins Best Actor

Matthew McConaughey accepts the Oscar for best actor for his role in "Dallas Buyers Club" at the 86th Academy Awards in Hollywood

And he proceeds to spout some self-absorbed nonsense about chasing his future self, who is, in fact, his hero. Huh?

Better luck next year, Leo.


Poor dude really looked like he thought he had a chance.

12 Years a Slave wins Best Picture


Steve McQueen: Pure joy.

Ok, folks, that’s it for the 2014 Oscars!

Hooray for Hollywood!

It’s been exhausting, infuriating, enlightening, ridiculous, and fantastic fun to see everything and and blog about it all for your (hopefully) reading pleasure. I’m just crazy enough to do it all again next year, but in the meantime… I’ll focus on The Broadway and D-Rad’s (first? hopefully?) shot at Tony-dom.

Upcoming: 2014 Tony Awards — All Tonys, All the Time.


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